"As a lady you don’t choose who you want , you choose from who wants you" – Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

Nigerian relationship coach and author Kingsley Okonkwo has stirred conversations on social media after sharing his opinion on how women approach relationships and potential suitors.

In a post published on X, formerly known as Twitter, Okonkwo argued that women do not necessarily choose whoever they desire in relationships but rather make their choice from those who have expressed interest in them.

According to him, “As a lady you don’t choose who you want, you choose from who wants you.”

Building on that viewpoint, he encouraged women to be more receptive to communication from men who show genuine interest, suggesting that ignoring messages or refusing to engage with potential suitors could mean overlooking worthwhile opportunities.

“So start answering those DMs, reply the chats and pick those calls,” he added.

The post quickly attracted widespread attention, generating mixed reactions from social media users. While some agreed with his perspective, arguing that relationships often begin when one person expresses interest and the other chooses whether to reciprocate, others disagreed, insisting that women have every right to pursue or reject anyone based on their personal preferences.

The comments section became a hub of debate, with users offering differing opinions on modern dating, courtship and the dynamics of choosing a life partner. Some interpreted Okonkwo’s remarks as practical relationship advice, while others described them as an oversimplification of how healthy relationships develop.

Despite the differing views, the post has continued to fuel discussions about dating expectations, communication and the role of personal choice in romantic relationships.